IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people advocate death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society. Describe advantages and disadvantages of death penalty and give your opinion.

Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
death
Correct article usage
the death
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 penalty is necessary to keep
security
Correct article usage
the security
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 system efficient in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. While there are some negative aspects of capital
punishment
Use synonyms
, I agree with the view that without it we will become more vulnerable to violence.
Death
Add an article
The death
show examples
 penalty can be considered unsuitable
punishment
Use synonyms
 for several reasons. The strongest argument is that we have no
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to kill other humans.
Right
Correct article usage
The right
show examples
 to live is the basic right of any human being, and no one can infringe
this
Linking Words
 right, irrespective of the person’s deeds.
Moreover
Linking Words
, innocent
people
Use synonyms
 can face wrongful execution.
Such
Linking Words
 unfair sentences take away
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
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 of innocent
people
Use synonyms
 and make other citizens lose faith in law and justice. And
besides
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, sometimes criminals repent of their acts. In
this
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case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 they should be given a
second
Linking Words
 chance to improve themselves.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that capital
punishment
Use synonyms
 is necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is an effective deterrent
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 major crimes. The best method to prevent a person from committing
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
 is to show the consequences of his or her actions.
For example
Linking Words
, the government of Pakistan has controlled the rate of terrorism by enforcing death penalties for the members of terrorist organisations.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the governments spend large sums of
national
Add an article
the national
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 budget on
maintenance
Correct article usage
the maintenance
show examples
 of prisoners.
Instead
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 money can be used for the development of the society and welfare of the
people
Use synonyms
. To sum up,
although
Linking Words
 capital
punishment
Use synonyms
 has some disadvantages, I think that it proves to be the best way of controlling criminals, lessening governmental expenses and preventing other
people
Use synonyms
 from doing crimes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advocates
  • Capital punishment
  • Contemporary society
  • Violent crimes
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Imprisonment
  • Innocent
  • Unethical
  • Inhumane
  • Misuse
  • Legal systems
  • Heinous crimes
  • Closure
  • Moral concerns
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