Some people say that all people should stay in full time education until they are at least 18 years old.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The majority of people often say that teenagers should focus full-time on education until they reach the age of 18.From my point of view,I totally agree with
this
statement and I will outline the reason why in the following essay. It must be understood that students should stay in full-time learning until they are at least 18 years old.First of all,
this
will help teenagers expand their opportunities with a graduation degree in high school.The reason is that citizens with graduation degrees have great chances to work in a company which have high standards compared to those who drop out of college.
For example
,there are two people who apply their application for an interview, one has the qualifications to pass the interview and the other does not finish their process of studying until they 18.
As a result
,there are many differences between the position in career and salary between each other.
Nevertheless
,nations who study until 18 can be more beneficial than others.They can gain more knowledge about the major
as well as
have soft skills to find the answer to complex problems.
This
is
due to
their exposure to many situations and gaining more horizons when experiencing various majors.
This
is true in numerous of company,they are interested in folk who can solve the problem with clever solutions.
Therefore
,people can win the job and they are able to receive a great assessment from the examiner. In conclusion,I totally agree with
this
point
due to
the increased probability of change in the job and getting high
assessment
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task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion, but the introduction could be more engaging. Try to formulate a thesis statement that clearly outlines the points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and typos, such as 'nations' instead of 'students.' Make sure to proofread your essay to eliminate such mistakes.
task achievement
The essay showcases relevant examples, but they could be more specific. Try to provide examples with more detail and real-world references.
coherence cohesion
There are occasional awkward phrasings and unclear sentences. Strive for clarity and ensure that every sentence contributes to your argument's coherence.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with a good flow from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively sums up the main points of the essay, reinforcing the writer’s opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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