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Band 4.5

When a country developes its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It's pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you adree or disagree with this opinion?

#country #developes #technology #skills #life #adree
At present, many
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 are developing new technology to make their country breakthrough.
However
Add a comma
,However
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 it makes the traditional
skill
 or the technic that their old
people
 give for them. It
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 to me, I disagree with the word that " it not important to keep the old
skill
 alive
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 3 reasons.
First
, the traditional skills
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the
basic
Replace the word
basis
show examples
 of the thing that can develop. In
other
Change the wording
another word
other words
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word
Add a comma
,word
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 it will help to create new
matheral
Correct your spelling
material
materials
.
People
 will observe and accumulate the problems in the old traditional thing or the way of
life
then
 solves it.
For example
, In the
past
Add a comma
,past
show examples
 we use
bikcycle
Correct your spelling
bicycle
 to went to anywhere but we falt tried to ride
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. So we improved them and we get the
motrecycle
Correct your spelling
motorcycle
 now.
Second
, the traditional thing or way
ot
Correct your spelling
of
life
 is resonated
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 scientific and ideological facet of the
people
 in the aged.
This
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the
reseacher
Correct your spelling
researcher
 able to
ascrtain
Correct your spelling
ascertain
 the thing
such
 as the cause of Greez
people
 can buit great stadium or how
chiness
Correct your spelling
Chinese
 person
buit
Correct your spelling
but
 the china wall.
Thrid
Correct your spelling
Third
show examples
,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
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 We have to stay in the
sitution
Correct your spelling
situation
 without technology. If we don't have any traditional
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
, It will make you unable to stay
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 if you have some
skill
 or traditional way of
life
. It
easy
Add a missing verb
is easy
show examples
 to stay or solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems without
technlogy
Correct your spelling
technology
. For
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
reasons
Add a comma
,reasons
show examples
 I feel the most unlikely that
it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
show examples
 pointless to keep the old
life
 skills and the traditional thing alive. It sometimes helps our
life
 more comfortable by
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
 it to better things. Find the
ideological
Replace the word
ideology
show examples
 of the angies
people
.
Submitted by Praewatantan on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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