Nowadays, most children prefer to spend several hours playing with electronic devices over doing more traditional leisure activities. What problem does this cause? What do you think are possible solutions?

It has long been a controversial topic about youngsters having a tendency to allocate their
time
to high-tech applications rather than engaging in those traditionally recreative exercises.
This
writer firmly contends that
this
will bring about detrimental impacts on physical health.
However
, there are several accessible approaches to tackle
this
issue as support from guardians and teachers
as well as
restricting wards' timing to utilize those
devices
. It should be well-comprehended that more and more children stick to electronic
devices
such
as iPhones, tablets, televisions, etc. To elaborate
further
on
this
statement, once young individuals keep on watching the screen, they seem to not perform any physical
activities
. With
this
in mind, these people would have suffered from gaining weight at an early age and
also
faced with risks of diseases. There have been few precedents to fully support
this
, teenagers have a high potential to deal with weak eyesight, diabetes, asthma and other diseases.
Nevertheless
, the first possible method to solve
this
phenomenon is the collective effort of guardians and teachers. To clarify, supporters have
better-put
Correct your spelling
better put
show examples
plenty of sport-related exercises in than just giving lectures by telling data in learning institutes. With
this
in mind, the students have the utmost prospects of participating in certain sports which unmindful forms a habit of playing sports. As a contextual example of
this
, there has been a creation of physical education in France as these objectives of sporting
activities
made a significant shift in more students taking part in outdoor
activities
. Another viable solution has been taken on
this
statement as prohibiting the
time
utilizing these
devices
.
This
issue mainly stems from that the teens are incapable of managing their
time
accesses and be able to get obsessed with those aforementioned
devices
. In terms of that, children opt to use high-tech
devices
under control in order to not become too habitual in operating appliances.
This
effect is evident in many families in Vietnam, where children only have permission to use their phones for an hour a day, forcing them to join in other leisure
activities
for entertainment purposes To recapitulate, prior to tackling the phenomenon of devoting too much
time
to modern
devices
, there should have been a support from surroundings and a way of restricting
time
using those
devices
.
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task response
While the essay provides a clear response to the task and offers several relevant examples, some areas could benefit from additional development. Providing more in-depth analysis and examples would strengthen your arguments and help to achieve a higher score.
coherence and cohesion
The essay should aim for a more logical flow between points. Work on improving transitions between sentences and paragraphs to ensure a smooth and logical progression of ideas. Additionally, it is essential to avoid minor inaccuracies in word choice and grammar to maintain a higher level of coherence and clarity.
introduction and conclusion
The essay has a clear structure with both an introduction and a conclusion, which effectively helps to frame the discussion.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported by relevant examples, which strengthens the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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