IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this?

#times #growth #countries
We cannot deny that economic
growth
 is of significant importance to indicate the quality of
people
’s
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 in all
countries
. Recently, the
growth
 of global economics influences an increase in the number of the richer, both in developed and developing
countries
.
Nevertheless
, their mental health is not as good as expected when comparing
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the past. A primary factor is
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 fact that those have
such
 more pressures from their
work
 that they neglect to develop their personal emotions themselves
such
 as
happiness
, while they concentrate on how to gain more money or salaries each day. Most
people
 in developed
countries
 seem to lack
willingness
Change the article
the willingness
show examples
 to make themselves happier as they try to make them become
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
richer;
therefore
, individuals nowadays seem to be less happy. Recently, many growing companies have dealt with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of
work
 owing to worldwide economic
growth
.
In other words
, the more
people
 become richer, the more demands they have.
This
 leads to the increasing amount of
work
 in most of the companies.
Consequently
, workers,
also
 representing normal
people
, have had a lot of stress from their
work
. Their stress can reduce their
happiness
 level which has unsatisfied effects on the overall
happiness
 of a whole country.
Furthermore
, understanding a key reason making
people
 seem less happy is one of many results obtaining from
this
situation
.
This
 helps design a way of improving a current
situation
. In conclusion, the recent
growth
 of global economics affects current
people
’s
happiness
 in developed
countries
 which do not seem to be as same happy as in the past.
However
, what
people
 learn from
this
situation
 is a major reason why
this
situation
 occurs. It leads to the way
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
government management playing a crucial role in the development of overall individual
happiness
.
Submitted by unnop_0007 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Material wealth
  • Affluent societies
  • Social cohesion
  • Isolation and loneliness
  • Work-related stress
  • Professional expectations
  • Aspirations and reality
  • Environmental degradation
  • Sustainability
  • Consumerism
  • Comparison
  • Life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Community relationships
  • Sustainable development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: