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Band 5

Tourism is encouraged in many countries. Does tourism bring more advantages or disadvantages in a country

#tourism #countries #country
Nowadays, working for long
hours
fairly
Add a missing verb
is fairly
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 common. While staying for
long
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a long
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 time means
higher
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a higher
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 salary and with
money
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,money
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 humans can buy everything, I believe that the drawbacks of working for
long
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a long
show examples
 time
is
Change the verb form
are
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 far more.
This
 essay will highlight
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 and negative effects of working for long
hours
. On the one hand, the merit point of staying from nine to five at
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 is that we receive more income. Some adults especially fathers believe that
,
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apply
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 we came from
poor
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a poor
show examples
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
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, we did not have enough
money
 to purchase
bike
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bikes
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 and tolls, it was hard
years
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year
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 for us but we have been allowing that it will
be happened
Change to the active voice
happen
have happened
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 again for our kids.
Thus
, we work as hard as we can to increase the standard level of our life.
According
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toAccording
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 what said
wealthy
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the wealthy
a wealthy
show examples
 man in his book, my kid needed my wealth to be happy in their life. If I purchased whatever he likes and makes him excited, it will be possible that he is never realizing my empty space at home.
On the other hand
, it is clear that spending long
hours
 at
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
 and working for long
hours
 equal more and more
money
 and improving our business but having leisure activity is essential. It is undeniable that
money
 might buy
modern
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a modern
the modern
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 and luxury
house
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houses
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,
however
, it never purchased happiness. From
psychological
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a psychological
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 perspective, children
who
Change the pronoun
whom
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 their parents put some
hours
 to do some leisure activities with their kids
such
 as playing
game
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the game
a game
show examples
, going to park or having
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 journey, would be more successful. In more detail, sometimes all the thing which family members want is that they get together and have fun. In my experience family’s relationship is more important than
money
. To conclude,
although
 working for long
hours
 has several advantages, it seems to me that its disadvantages outweigh
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
.
Submitted by aminpost on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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