IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays computer education is compulsory for your learners in most schools. Do you think this is necessary or will children acquire these skills naturally from their daily interaction with technology everywhere? Provide your opinion and use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#computer #education #learners #schools #children #skills #interaction #technology #support
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In recent days, students have many opportunities to approach
technology
 at an early age, as it is a required class in many schools.
However
, opponents say that computer skills will be advanced through using electronic devices in daily life. I will elaborate on
this
 notion in the following paragraphs and give my opinion.
Firstly
, educational progress in
technology
 from a very young age is necessary in our era. Because of the development of robots, artificial intelligence, and computer science, which have been causing many problems in our lives,
such
 as cyber security, privacy threats, and job displacement.
Therefore
, a well-knowledgeable preparation of
technology
 education will demonstrate a harmonious future with them.
Secondly
, in the eyes of
skeptics
Change the spelling
sceptics
show examples
, learning about computers at institutions is unnecessary
due to
 the rapid evolution of electronic devices recently. It is widely known that everyone has their own modern gadget, at least one,
such
 as a mobile phone, a compact laptop, or a tablet, or even three of them.
Hence
, children can easily learn how to operate it very well
while
 using it, and obviously, they do not have to be educated about it at school.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, I agree with the compulsory
technology
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 in most educational institutions, not only to get compatible with interacting with them every day but
also
 to control them effectively, which are believed to be the most sophisticated and threatened in our future lives. In conclusion, being taught at schools and improving skills in daily use of
technology
 are both necessary, but to improve our future, it is a good choice to give our children study opportunities about it.
Submitted by beautytear13 on

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task response
Your essay could benefit from more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention particular skills that students learn in school which they might not learn from everyday interactions with technology.
task response
Try to ensure that your ideas are clear and comprehensive. Some parts of your essay, particularly the second body paragraph, would be clearer with more precise language and explanation.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure can be further improved by ensuring seamless transitions between paragraphs and within them. This will help in maintaining a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your main points are generally well-supported, and you do a good job of addressing both sides of the argument.
task response
You addressed the task effectively, providing a balanced discussion on whether computer education should be compulsory.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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