Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Different people have various standards of being successful. Whereas some reckon that earning a handsome amount of money is the most fruitful, others provoke that contributors are more rewarding.
This
essay inclines to the latter notion and will provide explanations in the following paragraphs.
To begin
with, the predominant reason why people with contribution is more triumphant is that they are beneficial to the world. These noble occupations,
such
as teachers and scientists, improvise the community, and
consequently
, improves citizens' quality of life.
For instance
, the famous Sir Charles Kwan Kao invented the optical
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre

The spelling of fiber is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
which accelerates the speed of information flow and
thus
, granted us quick access to the internet.
Subsequently
, giving back to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
society is the most flourishing kind of job.
However
, some pointed out that millionaires are the most successful because they can make ends meet. Indeed, they do live a prosperous life and may have built a great empire in their field. Yet, these entrepreneurs may have exploited natural resources and
labor
Change the spelling
labour

The spelling of labor is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
.
For example
, it is reported that many factories are only giving minimum wage to employees.
In addition
, they have intimidated the environment while escorting hazardous wastes illegally into the rivers and in the countrysides. It is not moral to make money at the expense of the poor nor nature.
Therefore
, they are not as successful as those addressed above. To conclude, as global citizens, people are responsible for giving back to the world. Apart from being rich and having a comfortable life, being salutary is one of the most important criteria of being lucrative.
Submitted by kwongchamkei on

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next: