IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that the government should provide unemployed people with a free mobile phone and free access to the internet to help them find jobs. To what extant do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #government #phone #access #internet #jobs
It is undeniable that the world at the present
time
 has had changed into modern society, resulting in advanced
technologies
 are improved to use in human daily life, and some
people
 think that these
technologies
 can help many unemployed
people
 to find some careers, while the governments should provide free
technologies
, like free mobile phone and free the
Internet
 to help them find
jobs
. From my point of view, I agree with
this
 statement for many reasons that will be outlined in the detail in the following paragraph. It is true to say that supporting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the government not only helps unemployed
people
 find their careers but
also
 help them reduce
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 costs that will be spent on finding their works,
for example
, many unemployed
people
 will spend more and more money on fuel costs or travel expense like bus tickets.
As a result
, if they can find some work on the
Internet
 without travelling they will be able to reduce the expenses of travelling to find their occupations.
Additionally
, the
Internet
 can help
people
 who lose their
jobs
 to reduce a major
time
 that will be used by travelling issues,
for instance
, they will suffer a congestion traffic issue in the rush-hour
time
. Resulting in employed persons have less
time
 to find works and to
apply
Add the preposition
forapply
show examples
 works as well.
Furthermore
, the
Internet
 can increase the opportunity in terms of getting
jobs
, compared with other methods, like newspapers. In conclusion, I strongly agree with
this
 viewpoint because provide free
technologies
 and free the
Internet
 by the union can create several positive impacts for unemployed persons in many ways
such
 as reducing some costs and increasing a chance.
Therefore
, it is recommended that these
technologies
 for unemployed persons to help them increase a chance
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 getting their
jobs
, and the union should educate their citizens
use
Add the particle
to use
show examples
 these services in the right way.
Submitted by kitsanayuiyui on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: