Some people think that the Olympics is no longer necessary in the 21st century. ‎To what extent do you agree or disagree?‎

The bar chart indicates
students
charge including accommodation, food, bills and other essential payments in 1996 and 1999 in the United Kingdom. It is clear that
entertainment
had the majority of the expenses in both years.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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children's cost and all types of travelling had the minimum role in
students
fees. In 1996,
entertainment
includes over 25% of the cost while, accommodation had less than 25% and unlike
entertainment
, accommodation saw a slight decline about 5% in 1999,
however
,
entertainment
increase couple of percentage by 1999 had over 30% of
students
charge. Another important
expenses
Replace the adjective
expense
show examples
was
Correct your spelling
as
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food, bills and household goods, in 1996 consist 20% of all the costs but, in 1999, saw a slight decrease and include less than 20%. Other topics had a negligible role in student cost in both years ,
for example
, essential or nonessential
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
show examples
had a total
10
Change preposition
of 10
show examples
% of all
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
in 1996 even though, essential travelling growth approximately 5% in 1999. one of the unique topics was having a child in 1996, a small percentage of
students
had children's expenses which was about 1%
however
, in 1999, there wasn't any children's expense for
students
.
Submitted by hesam.masoud.ielts on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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