IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many countries, it is becoming less common for people to look after elderly relatives themselves. Instead, the care is provided by professionals. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #people #relatives #care #professionals #development
It is probably true that most people believe that a tertiary education
degree
 plays a major role in people’s success in the future,
however
, there are lots of examples that show us, having an academic
degree
 does not mean alumni can find an appropriate job. In recent years, there is a lot of discussion about the real value of an academic
degree
 in the new decade because thousands of students around the world graduate from universities and it makes a big problem and it causes harsh competitive situation for students to find jobs and work in their major field
also
 many successful people haven’t
degree
 suck as Elon Musk, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, actually, they criticize about the education system. They claim that people can get high literacy with self-study programs and have better qualifications than alumni.
On the other hand
, it is clear that for most of the job applications we need to prove our qualifications so having a
degree
 can help to illustrate our capability,
also
 still many companies and manufacturers policy is that to have a standard
degree
 from excellent universities like Harvard and MIT so we have to accept the fact having a tertiary education is a good option to be successful in the future. In conclusion, for having a fortunate life we don’t need any type of extent in life ,
however
, if you don’t have any facilities to learn by yourself, studying in universities is the best path you can choose
also
, to be successful there are other skills that you should learn.
Submitted by hesam.masoud.ielts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Specialized medical attention
  • Round-the-clock supervision
  • Healthcare facilities
  • Family bonds
  • Cultural shifts
  • Demographic trends
  • Financial burden
  • Government policies
  • Elder care industry
  • Feelings of isolation
  • Social interaction
  • Societal values
  • Individualistic approach
  • Cultural transmission
  • Professional development
  • Emotional and physical strain
What to do next:
Look at other essays: