IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

the birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? what can be done now to deal with this situation?

#birth #rate #countries #fall #years #third #population #effects #predictions #situation
The Total
Fertility
Rate
 of a population is the average number of children that would be born to a woman over her lifetime if she were to experience the exact current
age specific
Add a hyphen
age-specific
show examples
fertility
rates
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 her
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
 and she were to survive from birth through the end of her reproductive
life
. It is obtained by summing the single year
age specific
Add a hyphen
age-specific
show examples
rates
 for a given time point. Perhaps more relevant to the current debate is the replacement
fertility
rate
 which is the total
fertility
rate
 in which women would have only enough children to replace themselves and their partners. Effectively it is the total
fertility
rate
 at which newborn girls would have an average of exactly 1 daughter over their lifetimes. By
definition
Add a comma
,definition
show examples
 replacement is only considered to have occurred when the offspring reach 15 years of age. The replacement
fertility
rate
 is roughly 2.1 live births per woman for most industrialised countries. Due to increased mortality
rates
, the approximate average for developing regions of the world is 2.3. At
this
rate
, population growth through reproduction will be approximately 0
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
 be affected by male-female ratios and mortality
rates
. There is an urgent need to initiate strategies at
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
/national and international
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 to prevent infertility and protect human
fertility
. The government should prioritise the provision of safe, mild and cost-effective assisted reproduction treatments with single embryo transfer so that more treatment cycles could be offered within the available health budget.
This
 would save costs associated with drugs, hospital admissions for OHSS and multiple pregnancies. “Strategy for Reproduction and Family
life
” should replace “
Fertility
 treatment” as a government policy and it should be dealt with across many departments as indicated in Figure 1 to boost the birth
rate
 and national economy, employment, family
life
 and societal growth. A separate department must be established to promote family
life
.
Submitted by nargizataishybay on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: