IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that children should be given a smartphone as soon as they begin their elementary school studies. Others believe this may harm a child’s development and parents should wait until their children are older and mature enough to handle the responsibilities of having a smartphone. Which view do you agree with? What might some consequences be of giving a young child a smartphone?

#people #children #smartphone #school #studies #harm #child’s #development #parents #responsibilities #consequences #child
Many adults these days are glued to their smartphones and think their
children
 should have one as well. While some
children
 may benefit from
this
, the negative impacts,
such
 as stunted creativity and critical thinking
skills
, are not, in my opinion, worth the convenience it provides their parents.
Thus
,
children
 should only have a mobile device once they begin high school.
Children
 need to acquire many
skills
 on their journey to adulthood. Giving them a device that removes the need to learn basic
skills
,
such
 as completing simple math equations and spelling new words, harms them in the long term because they cannot fully develop their brain functions properly. They will
also
 not broaden their natural creativity if they are constantly engaged in passive activities like watching YouTube videos or playing mindless games. That being said, there are benefits to learning to use a smartphone. These include technical
skills
 associated with a computerized tool, as well as modern social
skills
, including texting, emailing, and chatting online.
However
, these aspects of a child’s education should only be encouraged once a child has a base of mental competency and a level of maturity to handle the many influences that exist on the internet. By the time a child reaches high school, he or she is likely ready to prepare for the adult world in which all of these aspects manifest themselves. To conclude, parents should help their
children
 gain the intellectual and imaginative tools they require for success in life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and only
then
 provide them
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 tools of the modern world that they certainly need to learn.
Submitted by jason on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: