In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge.

A highly controversial topic today relates
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
we should encourage
kinds
Correct your spelling
kids
show examples
that they will achieve anything if they work hard. Some believe
this
is not a healthy message,
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
others believe that it is. In
this
essay, I am going to examine
this
question from both points of view and
then
give my own opinion on the matter. On
one
side of the
argument
Add a comma
,argument
show examples
there are people who argue the benefits of motivating kids considerably
outwiegh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
its
disadvanatges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
. The main reason for believing
this
is that
this
message will have become dangerous
this
because it might
puts
Change the verb form
put
show examples
them in a bubble
which it
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
is hard to go out from. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adults
Add an article
the adults
show examples
these days have
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
performance
this
is because they tend to be more
daydreamer
Fix the agreement mistake
daydreamers
show examples
. It is
also
possible to say that it might make kids
in the long run
Add the comma(s)
, in the long run,
show examples
more
impolsive
Correct your spelling
impulsive
.
One
good illustration of
this
is that they might become less rational and more
risk
Add a hyphen
risk-taker
show examples
taker
Fix the agreement mistake
takers
show examples
. In investment, they said do not ever put your investment in
one
egg.
On the other hand
, it is
also
possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that in fact that
affairmation
Correct your spelling
affirmation
to kids is
extreamly
Correct your spelling
extremely
benefitical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
. People often have
this
opinion because
this
might
strenghthen
Correct your spelling
strengthen
young
adult's
Fix the agreement mistake
adults'
show examples
persona.
Moreover
,
this
would boost thiers confidence and it will make them unstoppable when they face any struggles in life. A
second
point is that it would create positive change in the community. In fact, there is a huge
probablty
Correct your spelling
probability
that the motivated kid might inspire others to be more motivated. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that encouraging children is a good
phenomena
Change the noun form
phenomenon
show examples
.
This
is because if no
one
had been encouraged I do not believe that we will enter the technological revolution.
Submitted by kofaisal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: