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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays parents give more freedom to their children than in the past. is it a positive or negative development. Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

With
change
Add an article
the change
a change
show examples
 in trends,
parents
Use synonyms
 these days are giving more liberty to their
children
Use synonyms
 than given in the past.
Although
Linking Words
 some people say that giving more freedom shall negatively affect
children
Use synonyms
, giving more freedom
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a positive impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and development of the
children
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 in becoming more responsible and successful adults. 
This
Linking Words
 change in
secnario
Correct your spelling
scenario
 is helping
kids
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 in becoming more independent and do things by themself rather than depending on their
parents
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 to do chores for them. They are learning
life
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 skills
such
Linking Words
 as cooking, cleaning, buying grocery etc. which will be helpful in
for
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apply
show examples
their college and job
life
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 where they
they
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
struggle to make a living for themselves. It is
pretinent
Correct your spelling
pertinent
 to mention that
gaurdians
Correct your spelling
guardians
 in japan give full autonomy to their youngsters and they do daily work like boarding metro to school, buying food items, cleaning their rooms and preparing breakfast. As
children
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 become more independent,
parents
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 will
also
Linking Words
 have more time for themselves to invest in some productive work.
Children
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 are able to follow their passion rather than
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 book worms. Many
parents
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 especially in countries like India and China impose strict control over
kids
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 and prefer they choose a career of engineering, medical science or become bankers which come with big bucks.
However
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, many other career options
such
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 as musicians, actors, chefs, artists etc. have better
propects
Correct your spelling
prospects
 in
life
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 and they live
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 happy
life
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. By making youngsters do what they don't want in
life
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 leads them
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 depression and ego depletion which affects their cognitive ability.  To conclude
this
Linking Words
 syllogism,
parents
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 should give more freedom to their
kids
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 as times have changed and
kids
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needd
Correct your spelling
need
needed
 to face the world at the end of the day by themselves alone. Since they will be making decisions for
themsleves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 and they shall
also
Linking Words
 be
responsilble
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for them.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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