IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people feel that the exploration of space justifies a large amount of government and private investment. Other people think that this field is of increasingly low relevance, and should not be a priority. Debate both sides of this discussion, and explain your own view. How important is it for us to explore space at the moment?

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The issue of whether some people think that the
exploration
 of
space
 justifies a large amount of government and private investment.
While
 some argue that
this
 field is of increasingly low relevance, and should not be a priority, I firmly believe that the
exploration
 of
space
 should be a priority. On the one hand, if we want to find out new things belong to
space
 we need to spend too much money because all the devices used for
space
research
 are actually expensive,
for instance
, based on information from NASA launched a rocket named Soyuz-2 which are popular using for
space
exploration
, it spends 35 to 80 million USD for per launch.
Furthermore
,
instead
 of using the money to invest in other
planets
, we can absolutely pay for Earth's development
such
 as hospitals, schools, orphanages and environments.
In contrast
,
space
exploration
 can bring the advantage of study for children. Take Vinschool as an example, students who are from 6 years old to 10 years old had access to study about
space
 resources and other
planets
.
Although
this
 lesson does not have too many benefits, it helps students know more about
space
 like planet names and
planets
’ shape. As the
last
 point, the
exploration
 of
space
 helps people to solve their issues because the things that we found on other
planets
 all were taken for
research
,
for instance
, NASA scientists have stated that they found life on other
planets
such
 as Kepler 186f, Mar, and Proxima Centauri b. That
research
 can gain a large benefit for mankind. In conclusion, the arguments that
space
exploration
 should be a priority are numerous
due to
 academics for children about
space
 and new
research
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 people to solve their problems.
Therefore
, I reiterate my position that
although
space
research
 is an important merit, investing in Earth is the most important issue.
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task achievement
The essay presents the main arguments for both sides of the debate and provides a clear introduction and conclusion. However, it could benefit from more detailed evidence and examples to support the points made.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are longer than necessary and could be clearer if broken into shorter sentences. This would improve overall clarity and coherence.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the debate and includes a clear conclusion, which reflects a good structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow and structure, making it easy to follow the writer's arguments.
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