IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many species of animals and plants are in danger of becoming extinct. What are the causes of this problem, and what can be done to prevent it from happening?

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Our Planet has witnessed the
extinction
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 of different
species
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 of Flora and Fauna in the
last
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 10 decades. Some consider it as a natural process of life
however
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 in
this
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 essay, we will shed some light on the reasons behind the elimination of these creatures from the Earth and suggest some measures to avoid these disappearances from taking place. The primary justification for
mass
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the
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 scale
extinction
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 of many
species
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 is the commercial hunting of these creatures. The outrageous number of animal killings per hour on
this
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 planet is the basic reason for the
extinction
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 of many land and sea animals.
For example
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 - The society for animals and birds
have
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has
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 recently shown surveys wherein the staggering rise of illegal hunting and poaching of tigers for their skin resulted in the decline of white tigers by 80% across the globe.
As a result
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, the survival of these
species
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 is in danger and may end up extinct. Stringent hunting laws are required in all countries to ban hunting on both land and sea
along with
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 awareness programs for people to understand the global issues with the
extinction
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 of animals.
Additionally
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, global warming has been instrumental in the steep
extinction
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 rate of many
species
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. Climate change caused by global warming creates an environment
that is
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 difficult for many
species
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, thereby forcing them to either move to a different place or gradually die because of unfavourable conditions.
For instance
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 - polar beers are facing
such
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 survival threats because of increasing temperatures in Antarctica and environmentalists have issued warnings to all countries across the globe to pay attention to the issue.
Therefore
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, each country should immediately ban industries that produce smoke and release toxic gases into the environment.
To conclude
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, I would like to highlight that it is the responsibility of everyone to make our planet a better place to live in and should work towards saving many creatures from
extinction
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 as each and every
species
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 living on earth
play
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plays
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 a vital role in balancing the environment.

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task achievement
Consider refining the introduction to clearly state the main causes and solutions you will discuss in the essay. This will guide your reader better throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph flows logically into the next. You can use linking phrases to enhance the connections between your main points.
task achievement
Use more specific examples for your second main point about global warming and its effects on specific species to strengthen your argument.
content
The essay presents relevant ideas and arguments regarding extinction, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
support
The use of examples, such as the case of the white tigers and polar bears, adds support to your main points, which is commendable.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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