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Band 4.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
It is discussed that in many countries young graduated
people
 from high school decide to
work
 or travel for a
year
 before starting university.While they are both advantages and disadvantages associated with
this
 topic,that will
be illustrate
Change the verb form
be illustrated
show examples
 in
this
 essay. Those young
graduated
Replace the word
graduates
show examples
 that are encouraged to
work
,can face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a plethora of troubles.
First
 off,recent studies have shown that
this
 kind of
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 is not reliable.Most of them are low paid jobs without any certain insurance that could be a dangerous threat for that young person.
For instance
,they could be involved in
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illegal
work
 like dealing drugs and it sounds awful.These
people
 will not ever go back to
countinue
Correct your spelling
continue
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
.
On the other hand
,some
people
 claim that these young individuals will attain experience and could become good
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 forces. On the other side,they are young
people
 that prefer to travel during a one
year
gap
.In fact,
this
 decision has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own negative and positive aspects.
This
 travel can
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
people
 to find their weaknesses and destroy them,
in
addition
Add the comma(s)
,addition
show examples
 to find their strengths and make them much better than before.
Besides
,they can do researches about their future university and the subject that they do want to study.
Consequently
,we have to accept that
this
 one
year
gap
 definitely has negative effects too.
For example
,
this
gap
 could make young individuals demotivate and avoids them from continuing their studies. Overall,
although
 there are many advantages and disadvantages related to
this
 topic,high school
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduates
show examples
people
 have to keep studying and getting greater degrees.Even if they have a
year
gap
 they should not forget their actual purpose.In
this
 case,they will have more opportunities for
work
 and
also
 for a better life.
Submitted by hediyehkhodaparast2 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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