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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#countries #refugees #assistance #food
As the more dramatically the
world
 is changing, the bigger disparity between rich and poor becomes. Developed
countries
 are making progress much faster and seem to outweigh the rest of the
world
.
Therefore
, it is believed that those
countries
 should allow more displaced people coming from other developing
countries
 and provide them with basic assistance like food and accommodation.
This
 essay is aimed at discussing
this
 idea before giving my own opinion about it.
First
 of all, that those
weathy
Correct your spelling
wealthy
countries
 accept more refugees is really a huge supply of
labor
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labour
show examples
 force. Indeed, they
are developed
Change the verb form
have developed
show examples
countries
 that have the smallest rate of newborn
Correct your spelling
child
child's
childs
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children
show examples
,
such
 as Germany, England or France. Especially, the rate of infants in Japan is under 0
percent
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per cent
show examples
, which will result in a lack of workers for the work environment in the near future. Overmore, providing foreigners with appropriate support will attract more gifted ones coming to work for them. Those who can study and work abroad are the greatest individuals of their
conntries
Correct your spelling
countries
.
For example
,
Correct article usage
the Australia
show examples
Australia
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Australian
show examples
 government is willing to pay all of the
cost
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costs
show examples
 during
oversea
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overseas
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 student's study, and
as a result
, Australia is owning one of the most developing education in all over the
world
.
On the other hand
, too many refugees are truly a threat to the job market of the
countries
. People come from other
countries
, and take the jobs that should be belonged to the
local
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locals
show examples
. Take Japan as an example, it is one of the biggest economies,
however
, it is
also
 putting up with the highest rate of unemployment.
Last
 but not least, it can cause a lot of social problems,
such
 as
:
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apply
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 crimes, robbery, violence, etc. In conclusion, the
phenomena
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phenomenon
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 of the increasing numbers of refugees remains a heart-touching issue in the eyes of humankind all around the
world
, in which the whole global need to cooperate to achieve its disappearance all for the benefit of humans.
Submitted by minhneuforworks on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Refugees
  • Asylum seekers
  • Humanitarian aid
  • Integration
  • Multiculturalism
  • Economic impact
  • Public services
  • International law
  • Conventions relating to the status of refugees
  • Labor market
  • Cultural enrichment
  • Burden-sharing
  • Resettlement programs
  • Host country
  • Border security
  • Comprehensive policy
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