It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for example for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taugh to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In contemporary society, talent and practice have been the two topics of interest among the masses. Some individuals champion that some children are born with innate talents,
such
as sports or music, while
a significant number of others posit that teaching is an effective method to make normal students become excellent sports players or musicians in the future. Although
I do that acknowledge both sides have their merits, I lean more toward the latter, as I believe practice makes perfect.
On the one hand, there is little doubt that we have numerous genius scientists and composers in history. It is easy to give a list of examples, like Einstein, Newton and Bach. Their successful life journeys were also
written in several forms like novels and comics. It is hard to explain why some people
can achieve giant success at a very young age. For example
, Phelps won his first Olympic golden medal at 15 years old, He is the most successful and most decorated Olympian of all time with a total of 28 medals. The record is really hard to break, thus
,it is therefore
reasonable that some individuals claim that significant innate talents are not a myth.
On the other hand
, the aforementioned perspective overlooks the deeper and crucial question - where does excellence stem from? To give a clear example - Albert Einstein who improved and created modern science. He was not an obviously gifted child. He did not speak until nearly three, was poor at languages and was a failure at school. However
, he was motivated by Newton's scientific achievements and met a patient teacher, fortunately. Thus
, many years of hard work later, Einstein became the greatest scientist in history. Such
instances challenge the initial assertion and suggest that if people
want to reach their goals, numerous of hard work and an encouraged teacher are indispensable.
Although
it is undeniable that people
's intelligence quotients are different, I believe the most often quote claimed by Thomas Edison that "Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration." Therefore
, given these considerations, it is reasonable that if students could be given appropriate knowledge and skills to find their motivations and incentives and go through perseverance and growth mindset, I believe everyone will have opportunities to become successful in specialised fields and further
their own career.
In conclusion, reflecting upon the discussion some people
reward inborn talent over hard work. While
it is true that individuals have different intelligence, It is crucial to acknowledge that personal mindset plays a more important role in the road to success. Given these considerations, my allegiance that the secret to success is continuous learning, absorbing knowledge and practice, not innate talent is steadfastly consolidated and incontrovertibly firm.Submitted by jasmine2001tw on
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Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear position throughout, which is good for task response. However, your argument could be developed further. Ensure that each paragraph presents one clear main idea and expands on it with specific details and examples. To improve task achievement, provide more thorough explanations and more specific examples to support your claims. Aim for a balanced discussion of both views before presenting your own opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is fairly well-maintained, but there are areas for improvement. To enhance coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph flows smoothly from one to the next with clear transitions. Use a wider range of linking words to better connect ideas and paragraphs. The introduction and conclusion are present, but to improve your score, ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the points that will be discussed, and your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay without introducing new information.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example