IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some young people look forward to a year of travelling, a “gap year”, before they begin work or university and see it as a chance to broaden their horizons. For other expensive waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #year #“gap #year” #work #university #chance #horizons #waste #time
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People
Use synonyms
 have
different
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a different
show examples
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
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 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 about travelling while almost
ideas
Correct quantifier usage
all ideas
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 argued that adult
people
Use synonyms
 tend to expect for
long
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a long
the long
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 trip prior to working or learning and consider it is an opportunity to acquire
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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.
However
Linking Words
, some proponents claimed that it is
vain
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a vain
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attempt
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to attempt
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.
This
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 essay will elaborate
both
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on both
show examples
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
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 of
debate
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the debate
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 and is
thus
Linking Words
 lead to a final conclusion.
To begin
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 with, there are numerous reasons why adolescences nowadays spend a year for a holiday to have a deeper insight about the world before they have a commencement of job or studying.
Nevertheless
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, the most evident one derives from the fact that
people
Use synonyms
extremely
Add a missing verb
are extremely
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 busy at work and school to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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leisure
time
Use synonyms
 for themselves. For that reason, they often spend a long holiday in a ‘gap year’ for visiting and
vacation
Wrong verb form
vacationing
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 with family to get more experiences and
confidences
Fix the agreement mistake
confidence
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 before starting a new stage. Some research indicated that pupils after graduate have a long trip before
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 part in
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 trimester in the University usually
tent
Correct your spelling
tend
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 to
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
extrovert
Replace the word
extroverted
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 and optimistic with some
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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such
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 as voluntary or
explore
Change the form of the verb
exploring
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activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, it seems to quite useful for teenagers to have some lessons through travelling with some real experiences which promote
ability
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the ability
show examples
 to adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
 environment. Moving to consider the opposing argument put forward by critics, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that there is a huge amount of consumption for travel a year that waste money and
time
Use synonyms
 while the student can spend holiday
time
Use synonyms
 for working full
time
Use synonyms
 or
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 to get
income
Add an article
an income
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 rather than have a long trip without revenue.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey at the University of Sydney proved that Students unable to go travel have more job opportunities because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they spend almost
time
Use synonyms
 for
interview
Fix the agreement mistake
interviews
show examples
 and training. In conclusion, while there are strong arguments on both sides of
debate
Add an article
the debate
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, a final decision must be drawn, and I strongly believe that adolescence should be looking for a job chance than waste
time
Use synonyms
 on the beach or another memory.
Submitted by nguyenvithanhdat on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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