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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

5.Employers should give their staff at least a 4-week holiday a year. It can make them perform better in their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Recently,
workers
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 have spent a large number of hours at the workplace. Many people believe that companies should give their employees at least a month's
holiday
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 per year; in order to increase their productivity and creativity in their
work
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. In my opinion,
this
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 development will have a positive impact on both employers and employees because
workers
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 will have more time to spend with their families and friends, which in turn can decrease their stress. Many people today have different types of responsibilities
besides
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 their
work
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, which could lead to an increase in their stress and a decrease in their hard
work
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. By giving them a four-week off per year, they may have a trip for relaxation away from their workplace.
This
Linking Words
 could reduce their anxiety level, and enhance their mental well-being;
therefore
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, they might become more concentrated at their
work
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.
For instance
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, many well-known organizations
such
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 as NASA and Amazon give their staff a long
holiday
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 to entertain and relax away from their companies and
work
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;
as a result
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, their staff become more productive and concentrated at their
work
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.
This
Linking Words
 development will not only benefit the
company
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's staff but
also
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 play an important role in improving the
company
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's economy. If
workers
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 have a great time with their families or friends, they will put more effort and
work
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 after returning from their trips; thereby, the
company
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's income will significantly grow.
For example
Linking Words
, a large number of employers today are aware of the importance of reducing the burden on employees by giving them a big
holiday
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, in order to increase the
company
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's economic level. In conclusion, bosses should give their
workers
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 a long
holiday
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 because
this
Linking Words
 may lower their anxiety levels and promote their productivity.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 may have a great impact on the organization's revenue.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to enhance the argument presented.
coherence cohesion
Good structure with introduction and conclusion clearly present.
task achievement
Main points are well supported, enhancing the overall argument.
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