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Band 7

some people say thay it is better to promote healthy lifestyle than spend so much money treat obese people. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #thay #lifestyle #money
These days ,
obesity
 remains one of the major health problems among people due to the rapid changes
occurred
Correct pronoun usage
that occurred
show examples
 in our lives. It is argued by some people that the government should spend money to ensure a healthy lifestyle for citizens
instead
 of treating those who are obese . In my opinion , I completely agree with
this
 view and think that prevention is better and cheaper than care .
Firstly
 , two vital factors in keeping the physique in shape
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the higher level of self-control a man should have in relation to his diet plan and a strong determination to do regular exercise without fail.
For example
, a low-fat diet would not allow lipids to get adhered to a person’s body tissues, thereby reducing the risk of
obesity
.
Similarly
, if he does exercise at regular intervals, he might maintain an acceptable body , which in excess leads to
obesity
. These two are practical and cost-effective in most cases. Another way which I find productive to keep
obesity
 away from a person’s radius is a regular medical check-up and
this
 is because of its professional benefits.
Thus
, he can gain confidence in his fight against
obesity
.
Secondly
 ,I need to admit that there are cases in which
obesity
 can hardly get prevented,
for example
 in hormonal imbalances or in case of any drug reactions. In
such
 situations, no one can limit their medical expenses.
However
,
such
 incidences are fewer in number. In conclusion, despite that there are instances in which a person needs to expend a huge sum of money for the treatment of
obesity
; I think that in most cases, it can be better prevented by practising a better lifestyle.
Submitted by molfruit7 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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