These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go sporting or events.Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #money #tickets #events #development

The current trend has seen many

individuals

spend most of their earning in buying tickets for

entertainment

activities

However

,As much as

entertainment

has

merits

Correct article usage

the merits

show examples

releaving

Correct your spelling

relieving

releasing

stress and

also

promoting social interactions it has some demerits too.

To begin

with,

entertainment

events

such

as sports

activities

provide a good platform for

individuals

to unwind following the heavy

hussle

Correct your spelling

hustle

and

buzzel

Correct your spelling

buzzer

buzzed

buzz

of the week

this

is because many people are involved in

routen

Correct your spelling

routine

jobs which are monotonous and

time consuming

Add a hyphen

time-consuming

show examples

therefere

Correct your spelling

therefore

finding a place to relax and enjoy is imperative.Another reason,buying tickets for

entertainment

promotes social

interraction

Correct your spelling

interaction

among

individulas

Correct your spelling

individuals

like in the case of youths who are involved in

such

activities

prevents them from being vulnerable to negative vices in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society.

For example

Kibera

Correct article usage

the Kibera

show examples

youths sports centre

was establish

Change the verb form

was established

show examples

as a joint to deter youths from negative influence.

Thus

entertainment

not only

promote

Change the verb form

promotes

show examples

individual

well- being

Correct your spelling

well-being

show examples

but

aslo

Correct your spelling

also

has some influence in shaping

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

On the contrary

,buying

Add an article

a ticket

show examples

ticket

Fix the agreement mistake

tickets

show examples

has led to impulse spending for

simple

Add an article

the simple

show examples

reason of being addictive

thus

individuals

are not able to make solid decisions on basic needs

instead

buy tickets.Due to

this

fact

Add a comma

,fact

show examples

most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

families

Add an article

the families

show examples

are

Correct your spelling

show examples

Correct your spelling

show examples

the

Change the article

apply

show examples

vague of collapsing.

In addition

,many social responsibilities are neglected by those who are involved in

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

entertainment

joints clearly seen when husbands are not able to respond effectively to their call of taking care of their children.As an illustration,recent research conducted has seen

Correct article usage

an 80

show examples

% drop in family

relation

Fix the agreement mistake

relations

show examples

as a result

of irresponsibility among

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

those who prefer

entertainment

activities

Therefore

,the challenges facing

individuals

who have decided on

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

activity

are

unneccessary

Correct your spelling

unnecessary

spending and neglect of social responsibility. In summary,even though sporting and

entertainment

events are important for social cohesion and individual well being it is important for

individuals

to balance the

activities

between social responsibilities and taking care of their earnings.

Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on Tue Oct 26 2021

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

297 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go sporting or events.Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Your opinion

Government should spend more money on education than on sports and recreation. Do you agree or disagree?

The media is increasing interest in famous people who have ordinary backgrounds. Why do you think people are interested in their lives? Do you think this is a good thing?

Some people think that we should replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

Some parents believe that learning mathematics at school is redundant and should not be taught while others believe that t should remain a foundational subject whether or not it is used later in life. Discuss both sides.