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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people suggest that bringing up children by thw whole family includimg uncles, aunts and grandparents is better, rather than only by parents. To what extend are you agree or disagree?

#people #children #thw #includimg #uncles #aunts #grandparents #parents
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these days, global communities have various ideas about the method of growing
children
 owing to the fact that a group of them think that extended family and
parents
 have a good effect on
children
 bringing up
instead
 of just by
parents
. I subscribe to
this
 idea because growing up with a lot of
people
 enhances
children
's communication and
people
 have several experiences in child-rearing. On the one hand, the main factor that aids the youth to have good efficiency in society is that they can control their behaviours in a bad position and know how they have to do in
this
 time;
as a result
, the
parents
 can simulate
this
 situation for their
children
 when they have an interaction with other populations
such
 as their uncles, aunts and grandparents.
On the other hand
, if the community have
children
, they receive a range of experiences, perspectives, and skills for
children
-rearing.
In other words
, young
people
 grow really good with other members of their extended families and
parents
 on account of the fact that various
people
 have their experience several times and they know which method of behaviour has a positive impact on
children
's manner and the best food that help their body to get different mineral, vitamin, protein, and so on which help young generations will be a healthy person in the future.
to sum up
, in my opinion, when all families have influence in the
children
's bringing , the young generations grow better with good communication and their bodies are in a good situation.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
You have provided a clear opinion and stated your reasons. However, you should aim to include more specific examples or case studies to substantiate your points. This will enhance your argument and demonstrate your ability to apply your ideas to real-world situations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically from one point to the next. Using linking words and cohesive devices can help improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction that outlines the main argument and a conclusion that summarizes your opinion effectively. This provides a clear structure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to support the main points with reasoning, such as discussing the benefits of children's interactions with extended family, which shows a thoughtful approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extended family
  • child-rearing
  • diverse experiences
  • harmonious family environment
  • sense of belonging
  • emotional support
  • wisdom and guidance
  • multicultural societies
  • heritage and traditions
  • conflicts and confusion
What to do next:
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