IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many working people get little or not exercise during the work day, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #exercise #work #health
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In the present era, workout has become almost extinct from the life of an individual because of their hectic schedule.
Cosequently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, it started depreciating one's fitness. There are multiple causes for it
such
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 as bad time management skills and less financial capabilities and a possible solution for it could be
self realisation
Add a hyphen
self-realisation
show examples
 and initiatives by the authorities. I will explain it in detail
further
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, primarily, the major influencing factor is lack of time. People in their busy jobs could not afford ample time for working out.
Secondly
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, economical status
also
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 plays a crucial part owning to the fact that gym and other modes of
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
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 do require a membership which is quite expensive for a
commom
Correct your spelling
common
 man.
For instance
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, a friend of mine who though had
keen
Add an article
a keen
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 interest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 his fitness could still not work towards it because he could not bear that kind of
fees
Fix the agreement mistake
fee
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.
Thus
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, these things do have a great impact on
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
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 of many which needs to be mitigated.
On the other hand
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, a practical mitigating measure is
self motivation
Add a hyphen
self-motivation
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.
Firstly
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, no one can drive a person to be fit.
Further
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, it has to come
with in
Correct your spelling
within
show examples
 himself and for
this
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 to happen he needs to be aware of both possible pros and cons.
Secondly
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,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should provide few recreational facilities and public places at no cost as it would aid people to make use of them for whom money is the constraint. To illustrate it, citizens with low household
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
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 in my country made great use of
this
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 initiation by the rulers.
As a result
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, it got them into better shapes and be lesser prone to diseases. To conclude, there are many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 for an individual
for
Change preposition
apply
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not
playing
Change the verb form
to play
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 sports to stay healthier and not have any illness.
However
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, if the governments make arrangements for them at no cost it would definitely motivate them to take part in these
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
.
Submitted by manojvamc on

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