IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Throughout history, male leaders have led us into violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders it will be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#history #leaders #violence #conflict #society
It is sometimes argued that male commanders are more likely to cause cruel occurrences as compared with
women
leaders
. I completely agree with the idea that male
leaders
 have the tendency to be
moreaggressive
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more aggressive
, but female
leaders
 pay more attention
on
Change the preposition
to
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 implementing social happiness. On one hand, I am convinced that male governance could lead to social chaos. Specifically, their characters are intrinsically brave and aggressive, which means that if they have
power
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the power
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 to start a war, they may not think twice
thus
 leading to
at
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apply
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a large extent. Once the war achieves victory, they would
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 their vanity and search for
furthure
Correct your spelling
further
future
 goals to finish. [Rather than letting every member of society have a peaceful
live
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life
show examples
, they want to prove how capable they are by winning a battle.
For instance
, Adolf Hitler who led to the tragedy of
Second
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the Second
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 World War killed millions of Jews and
atttacked
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attacked
attacks
 on Poland.
This
initiatedfamine
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initiated a mine
, deaths, and poverty in
the
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apply
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society.
On the other hand
, I believe that
women
 being
Correct your spelling
in charge
show examples
in-charge
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in charge
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 of a nation results in
emphasis
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an emphasis
show examples
 on all members of society’s happiness and peace. From
female’s
Correct article usage
a female’s
show examples
 perspective, they usually share the same feeling when facing challenges, particularly when these are about
women
.
This
 has resulted in
the
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a
show examples
 situation where an increasing number of female public servants in councils and governments have arisen.
For example
, different organizations have been established to lift
women
 out of domestic violence. With their help, the ratio of
this
 crime has been reduced.
Hence
,
women
’s empowerment transforms our communities
,
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apply
show examples
 and makes peace more sustainable. In conclusion, my view is that males being in command may certainly lead to more conflicts and disrupt public order. Meanwhile,
women
leaders
 have higher abilities to tackle issues sensibly and devote themselves to
peaceful
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a peaceful
show examples
 society.
Submitted by leeerh1107 on

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