IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Throughout history, male leaders have led us into violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders it will be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#history #leaders #violence #conflict #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is sometimes argued that male commanders are more likely to cause cruel occurrences as compared with
women
Use synonyms
leaders
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with the idea that male
leaders
Use synonyms
 have the tendency to be
moreaggressive
Correct your spelling
more aggressive
, but female
leaders
Use synonyms
 pay more attention
on
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 implementing social happiness. On one hand, I am convinced that male governance could lead to social chaos. Specifically, their characters are intrinsically brave and aggressive, which means that if they have
power
Change the article
the power
show examples
 to start a war, they may not think twice
thus
Linking Words
 leading to
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a large extent. Once the war achieves victory, they would
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their vanity and search for
furthure
Correct your spelling
further
future
 goals to finish. [Rather than letting every member of society have a peaceful
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
, they want to prove how capable they are by winning a battle.
For instance
Linking Words
, Adolf Hitler who led to the tragedy of
Linking Words
Second
Correct article usage
the Second
show examples
 World War killed millions of Jews and
atttacked
Correct your spelling
attacked
attacks
 on Poland.
This
Linking Words
initiatedfamine
Correct your spelling
initiated a mine
, deaths, and poverty in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that
women
Use synonyms
 being
Correct your spelling
in charge
show examples
in-charge
Correct your spelling
in charge
show examples
 of a nation results in
emphasis
Add an article
an emphasis
show examples
 on all members of society’s happiness and peace. From
female’s
Correct article usage
a female’s
show examples
 perspective, they usually share the same feeling when facing challenges, particularly when these are about
women
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 has resulted in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 situation where an increasing number of female public servants in councils and governments have arisen.
For example
Linking Words
, different organizations have been established to lift
women
Use synonyms
 out of domestic violence. With their help, the ratio of
this
Linking Words
 crime has been reduced.
Hence
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
’s empowerment transforms our communities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and makes peace more sustainable. In conclusion, my view is that males being in command may certainly lead to more conflicts and disrupt public order. Meanwhile,
women
Use synonyms
leaders
Use synonyms
 have higher abilities to tackle issues sensibly and devote themselves to
peaceful
Add an article
a peaceful
show examples
 society.
Submitted by leeerh1107 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender dynamics
  • militaristic policies
  • expansionist
  • diplomatic governance
  • risk-taking
  • societal norms
  • inclusive approach
  • collaborative governance
  • gender stereotypes
  • individual qualities
  • comprehensive approach
  • conflict resolution
  • aggression
  • historical context
  • colonial expansion
  • contemporary
  • male dominance
  • innate differences
  • peaceful governance
  • competitive strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: