Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In
this
day and age, research proves that the amount of fast food
consumed is out of control, moreover
, it can cause unhealthy situations and even diseases. When it comes to the solutions to this
issue, there are two contrasting opinions, one supposes that is
able to dealt
with by education, Add a missing verb
be dealt
whereas
another disagrees with the effects of educating people
. The essay will discuss both sides and explain why I agree with the latter idea.
On the one hand, improving people
's awareness of detrimental substances contained in fast food
seems to be the most possible way to keep them away from that harmful diet. This
is because many individuals do not realize how acute dishes like burgers and chips can attack them. The case of some developing countries where human health is not taken seriously is an example. Citizens there only concentrate on the convenience that junk food
service brings about, not its long-term consequences. Therefore
, people
would consider carefully about their eating habits if they were educated.
On the other hand
, it can be said that education usually has no use. Nowadays, consumers are able to access information simply, so they may all know the junk food
's terrible effects. However
, perhaps they do not care much about them. A piece of evidence that can be offered is Coke, one of the most popular soft drink brands in the world. Despite the fact that everyone knows it includes high levels of added sugar and processed preservatives, which leads to health problems such
as obesity, diabetes and so on, nobody has an
intention to modify the habit of drinking it regularly. Change the article
the
Moreover
, the apathetic attitude of individuals is also
recognized via the rapidly increasing sales and the constant appearance of fast food
restaurants like McDonald's or KFC in
every corner from urban to rural areas.
To summarize, Change preposition
on
although
educating people
has certain impacts on coping with this
issue, its scale is extremely small and insignificant. Hence
, I personally believe education has never been a good solution to resolve the problem of fast-food
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coherence cohesion
To enhance your essay's coherence and cohesion, you can work on making smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
For a better task achievement score, make sure to delve deeper into your examples and elaborate more on how education could influence junk food consumption. Providing more comprehensive and specific details can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You provided an effective introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good logical structure that discusses both views before presenting your opinion.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to support your points, such as the case of Coke and the prevalence of fast food restaurants.