IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Do you think that place where the person grew has an influence on his accomplishments? Explain with example.

#place #person #influence #accomplishments
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The society where we live, contribute
us
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to us
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 in many ways. How does the place
influenced
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influence
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 the individual on
there
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their
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 success in life? In
this
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 essay, I will discuss how it affects
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 based on their living environment.
To begin
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 with, the place we lived in
can
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 attribute
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our success.
For example
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, we lived in a very poor community, congested and isolated, where the only occupation is whether farming or fishing. Electricity is expensive even technology is unreachable. In
this
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 kind of community, it is difficult to change and reach the goals that we wanted.
In addition
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, the expenses to go to university will be challenging to provide,
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however
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,however
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 if there is courage and
hardwork
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hard work
 it might help to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 the dreams.
On the other hand
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, environment with full access to
everthing
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everything
 and they can afford tuition fees
thus
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, freedom to select from different known schools is a big opportunity to live in.
Therefore
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, the person who wants to achieve his/her goals will be easier.
Furthermore
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, there
is
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are
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 disadvantages too,
for
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example
Add a comma
,example
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 having surrounded
with
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by
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 these modern gadgets make the individual lazy and contented
on
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with
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 what they have. Which some
people
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 believes education is not important anymore to find a job,
hence
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 they can make earnings with the use of social media. In my conclusion, it depends on how
people
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 recognize their capability no matter what they lived in, as long as they have determination and patience to reach their goals it is not hard to make it. It is
also
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 true that the achievement of their
people
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 will bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
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success
in
Change preposition
to
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 their own community.
Submitted by ding on

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