In today's world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#world #people #money #appearance #happen #development

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this

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day and age, society places pressure on individuals to have a good

looking

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look

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Therefore

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, many spend a large amount of money on cosmetic purposes to make themselves look young.

However

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, I am convinced that

this

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is a detrimental trend.

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with, there are many possible causes resulting in adults wanting to look younger.

Firstly

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, the main reason is that advertisements from cosmetic companies, using young models as presenters, mislead

people

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's thoughts about the fact that beauty means youth.

For example

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, individuals tend to buy skincare products after young celebrities hoping that their skin will be healthy like those influencers despite the fact that those influencers are so much younger than them.

Secondly

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, another reason is that

people

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love to be admired by others for their beauty. It is a fact that when getting older individuals tend to feel insecure with their appearance, so many decide to buy costly cosmetic products or even undergo plastic surgery to look younger. Personally, I believe that the increasing demand of adults wanting to look young is a negative movement, as

this

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can be harmful to their health, both physically and mentally.

For instance

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, there was always news about

people

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passing away from undergoing unnecessary plastic surgery.

Moreover

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this

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has a negative effect on anyone who experiences their ages naturally, as they might lose their self-confidence when comparing themselves with others. In conclusion,

while

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the trend of

people

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wanting to have a youthful appearance is potentially caused by the influence of advertisements and the individuals’ need to be praised, I am of the opinion that

this

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is undesirable progress, especially in terms of damaging

people

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’s physical and mental health.

Submitted by nanthapat.a on Sun Dec 04 2022

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coherence cohesion

Ensure logical structure within paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting examples. Use cohesive devices effectively to achieve better clarity in your argumentation.

task achievement

Expand upon main points with clear and comprehensive supporting ideas and examples. Aim to develop each paragraph fully to convey a deeper understanding of the topic.

10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

277 words

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In today's world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

More and more children are accessing the Internet unsupervised. This can sometimes put them at risk. What problems do you think parents face when dealing with their children using the Internet? How can this problem be solved?

Some parents think that giving expensive gifts to children creating bad habits. do you agree or disagree

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible.

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals.

some people believe that schools should teach students how to fight and physically defend themselves while others think it causes many problems for the youth. what is your opinion?