IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is considered that some
people
Use synonyms
 think
music
Use synonyms
 can give different
groups
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 common sense and unite cultural diversity. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint, along with many reasons that can prove the strength of
music
Use synonyms
 in humanity
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and their giving to
this
Linking Words
world
Use synonyms
. As a part of the culture,
music
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in humans' life which is an essential amusement and enjoyable art that can fulfil
people
Use synonyms
's mental needs, whereby knowing many different languages, expressions and values through
music
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many songs including popular
music
Use synonyms
 express artists' culture, feelings and outlooks, and use their own native languages to communicate with the listeners. Because of the great work of musicians, varieties of
groups
Use synonyms
, races and countries can have the access to a culture
that is
Linking Words
 extremely fresh and novel,
therefore
Linking Words
 understanding the other countries and languages become much easier and delightful.
Secondly
Linking Words
, either young
people
Use synonyms
 or older
groups
Use synonyms
 can enjoy all styles of
music
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as popular
music
Use synonyms
, new age, country
music
Use synonyms
 and even rock
music
Use synonyms
. These diversities of categories give a mutual language to different ages of
groups
Use synonyms
 and reduce the age gap. Most importantly,
music
Use synonyms
 is an international language that expresses the hope and future of humanity: peace and love.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are a significant amount of songs are singing about the wish for peace, love and happiness. Through these songs, human beings share the same values and best wishes with
people
Use synonyms
 from all over the
world
Use synonyms
, even without language. The melody of
music
Use synonyms
 can bring a deep feeling to any race, nationality and gender, which is a tie of
people
Use synonyms
's connection and deep communication without words. The trues is,
music
Use synonyms
 does get
people
Use synonyms
 from all over the
world
Use synonyms
 together and they have the same vision-- peace. In conclusion,
music
Use synonyms
 is an excellent measure for cultural expression, giving
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
common sense to humankind and sharing the mutual vision to the whole
world
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by cantodamomo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: