IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that technology is now an invaluable study tool for young people.
Others, however, believe that it is harmful for the studying process.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #technology #study #tool #process
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In these years, technology has been becoming increasingly more common among
students
.
While
 some people believe that technology can provide numerous opportunities, an immense number of people think it can bring some drawbacks to society. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both sides and provide some examples to support my viewpoint. On one hand, there is a myriad of benefits, which might affect
students
' school life, when it comes to using technological materials.
Firstly
, the materials,
such
 as computers, can be conducive to
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the ways of teaching methods. Pupils can have a chance to study online, so they might not need to commute to school.
Hence
, they can save their time, and use
this
 time to broaden their knowledge by doing some resources.
Moreover
, it might be tough for some
students
 to talk in the lecture.
For example
, pupils who have some problems with interacting or socialising can study online making it easier for their
students
' lives.
As a result
, using some technological developments in the education system might have benefits for
students
.
On the other hand
, there are many disadvantages to using technological tools. Schools, which allow their
students
 to use their mobile phones or computers, might harm their learning processes.
Furthermore
, these tools can cause teenagers to become
asocial
Correct your spelling
a social
show examples
 person
due to
 having fewer interactions with their classmates during the class.
For instance
,
while
 the teacher is teaching vital topics,
students
 can easily play some games or distract the other
students
 to join them because of the accessibility to their materials.
Therefore
, having technological products can lead pupils to not focus on their lessons. In conclusion,
although
 some individuals say technology can have some detrimental consequences, a vast number of people think it can be helpful for
students
' school careers. From my perspective,
while
 there are some negative aspects to education, I do not think that these are not as important as its benefits.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Strengthen the relevance of the conclusion to summarize the essay more succinctly.
task response
Try to provide more clear examples to support your points and make the arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying sentence structure to enhance readability and engagement.
task response
The introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument and states the intention to discuss both views.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay with clear transitions between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well supported and each paragraph elaborates on its main idea.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: