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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people believe that today there is a general increase in antisocial behaviour and lack of respect for others. What might have caused this situation? How to improve it?

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It is irrefutable that
socialism
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 and lack of respect towards the elders are on the verge of extinction because of the gradual change in the mindset of the upcoming
generation
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. The younger ones are spending their youth in loneliness because of their rapid involvement in the technological world. To overcome these challenges, dependency on technology should be alleviated, and human interaction should be promoted. Technology is replacing all the necessary needs of a human being, and
as a result
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, anti-social behaviour is rapidly increasing. All the basic needs are fulfilled within a few taps on a mobile phone, causing the mitigation in social interaction.
Additionally
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, the next
generation
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 is not moulded so that they can start a conversation with a stranger. They are facing a fear of judgement by others, so they avoid getting involved in a chat with random people.
Also
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, the respect towards the older
generation
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 is declining because of the distance in bond created by social media. To exemplify, kids in India are not respecting their elders like they used to do in the past because of a lack of interaction. To overcome
this
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 segment, the importance of
socialism
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 should be taught to the next
generation
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 at a very young age. They should be guided by the benefits of
socialism
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,
such
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 as reducing anxieties, incrementing personal networks and many more. The more they get social, the more their productivity will boost, and it will help them have a positive mindset. The schools should organize weekly social events to encourage meetups among young students.
For instance
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, the Indian students in Canada are witnessing their productivity decrement because of a lack of
socialism
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.
To conclude
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, technologies are overtaking social connections, and life without technology is quite unimaginable. There should be a proper balance with the usage of technologies. Public gatherings, family events and group work should be promoted to have a better social life and mental health.

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. While your essay discusses the cause (technology) and offers solutions, it could benefit from deeper analysis and more varied examples of antisocial behavior and lack of respect for others. Consider examining other factors contributing to this issue and providing a wider range of solutions.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, aim to organize your essay more logically. Each paragraph should have a single clear idea that is fully developed and linked to the thesis. Use transition words more effectively to guide your reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
To develop your main points further, integrate more specific examples and evidence. These can illustrate your points more vividly and strengthen your argument. Whenever possible, include real-world instances, studies, or statistics that support your claims.
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