IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the dangerous sports should be banned . Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sports
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As we all living in the twenty-
first
Linking Words
 century,the new generation of youngsters is going behind the adrenalin rush.Reportedly,participating in a
life
Use synonyms
-threatening
sports
Use synonyms
activity
Use synonyms
 is one of the main ways from where they get
this
Linking Words
 adrenalin kick.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly agree with the notion that
this
Linking Words
 type of dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
activity
Use synonyms
 should be cancelled. As we all know,our
life
Use synonyms
 is a precious gift from God,which we must handle carefully.We should enjoy our
life
Use synonyms
 to its fullness.But should not take any risk which can take your
life
Use synonyms
 from you.Admittedly, most of our teenagers are behind
such
Linking Words
 thrilling games.
However
Linking Words
,they are not looking to the future consequences these games can cause in their
life
Use synonyms
.Apparently, these people are the only expectation of their
parents
Use synonyms
.If they go and be a part of
such
Linking Words
 dangerous activities,
as a result
Linking Words
, they can get hurt,lose their limbs or become handicapped, the worse case ,it can end up compromising their
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,I remember,when I was doing my schooling,my neighbour aunty had a son who was doing his college.But he was very crazy about bike racing.He was very famous for that but his
parents
Use synonyms
 were not at all happy with it.Because he was the only son for them.They try to convince him not to participate in
such
Linking Words
 dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 but he did not listen to them.In the end ,when he was in his final year,his
parents
Use synonyms
 had lost him in an accident that happened during the bike race.
As a result
Linking Words
, his mother got a mental shock and she is still under treatment.
This
Linking Words
 is just an example,like
this
Linking Words
, there are lots of
parents
Use synonyms
 who lost their kids,some lost their partners.
hence
Linking Words
 these types of
life
Use synonyms
-threatening activities should be banned. Ostensibly, there are lots of
sports
Use synonyms
 activities which anyone can participate safely by getting proper training.
Moreover
Linking Words
, training from a good institute or a well-known trainer is a mandatory thing.
Otherwise
Linking Words
,even a safe sport
activity
Use synonyms
 can be a dangerous one if you are not properly trained.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in my opinion,all the
sports
Use synonyms
 items should be conducted with proper guidance, safeguard and supervision.Any
activity
Use synonyms
 which can cause major accidents or death should be banned.Still, someone try to play
such
Linking Words
 games should be punished. To sum up, with what I have been explained till now, youth are the future of our nation,each and everyone's
life
Use synonyms
 is very important.
Hence
Linking Words
, don't play with your
life
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
life
Use synonyms
-threatening
sports
Use synonyms
activity
Use synonyms
 must be banned as it doesn't have any benefit for anyone rather than killing people or making them handicapped .
Submitted by chinnucw on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • engagement
  • incentives
  • obesity
  • recreation
  • well-being
  • peer pressure
  • physical fitness
  • endurance
  • balance
  • teamwork
  • coordination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • discipline
  • facilities
  • accessible
  • affordable
  • curriculum
  • extracurricular
  • inclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: