IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

#childhood #diseases #vaccines #parents #law #immunise #children #individuals #right
Due to modern science and technologies, we are now able to stop certain old
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 through vaccinations. Every
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
 should get the basic
immunity
 dose to keep them away
fromt
Correct your spelling
from
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
such
desease
Correct your spelling
disease
.
However
, not every
parents
Change to a singular noun
parent
show examples
 immunise their kids, it should be a mandatory law to do it in order
keep
Fix the infinitive
to keep
show examples
 everyone healthy. There was a time,
people
 used to
died
Change the verb form
die
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
uncurable
desease
Correct your spelling
disease
such
 as swine flu.
Nevertheless
, with constant research of
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 and doctors, we are blessed to have an antidote to prevent
such
 illness.
Deseases
Correct your spelling
Diseases
 are still there, but with precautions and vaccines, we can boost our
immunity
 to fight against
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In order to get strong
immunity
, certain doses should be taken from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood only.
For example
, Polio drop should be given from the age of 6 months till 3 years and
two
Add a hyphen
two-dose
show examples
dose
Change to a plural noun
doses
show examples
 for swine flue during childhood only.
Antidose
Correct your spelling
Antidote
 can start working from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood only to keep oneself away from the deadly virus.
Although
, some
people
 do not care about getting one. In
this
 case,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should mandate to take certain doses for their kids. It should be a particular law to immunise their children to keep the nation safe. A number of
people
, due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illiteracy,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are not even aware of
such
 medicines and
thus
 they do not opt for
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. To encourage the
people
, how and when to get
such
 vaccines, hospitals should arrange a campaign and the government should advertise it as much
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 aware them. Due to the fact that sometimes, for a number of reasons,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 decide not to get vaccines. In conclusion, parents or
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 should not have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to make a decision whether to get
immunity
Correct article usage
an immunity
show examples
 vaccine for their kids or not as it is important to have it to keep them healthy.
Submitted by brijal_desai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: