IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
children
Use synonyms
 today spend excessive
time
Use synonyms
 on
smartphones
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is primarily
due to
Linking Words
 parental influence and the increasing role of technology in daily life.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend has some advantages, it
also
Linking Words
 has significant drawbacks. One major reason why
children
Use synonyms
 spend so much
time
Use synonyms
 on
smartphones
Use synonyms
 is parental dependence on technology. Many parents provide
smartphones
Use synonyms
 to their
children
Use synonyms
 to keep them occupied
while
Linking Words
 they manage household chores or professional responsibilities. Over
time
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
 become accustomed to using these devices for entertainment and communication, making screen
time
Use synonyms
 an integral part of their routine.
However
Linking Words
, excessive screen
time
Use synonyms
 can lead to serious health consequences.
Smartphones
Use synonyms
 emit blue light, which can cause eye strain, headaches, and even long-term vision problems.
According to
Linking Words
 an article published by Lenskart, a leading eyewear company, an increasing number of
children
Use synonyms
 are developing vision problems
due to
Linking Words
 prolonged exposure to digital screens.
Additionally
Linking Words
, excessive smartphone use may reduce physical activity, leading to issues
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and poor social skills.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
smartphones
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
’s education. Many young users take advantage of learning applications and online resources to acquire new skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, platforms like YouTube provide free access to educational content in various fields, helping
children
Use synonyms
 develop academically and personally. When used responsibly,
smartphones
Use synonyms
 can serve as valuable tools for learning and creativity. In conclusion, parents often introduce
smartphones
Use synonyms
 to
children
Use synonyms
 for convenience, leading to excessive screen
time
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
smartphones
Use synonyms
 offer educational benefits, their negative effects on health and social well-being cannot be ignored.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parents should encourage moderation and controlled usage to ensure a balanced digital lifestyle for their
children
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, clearly discussing both the reasons for excessive smartphone use among children and the positive and negative aspects of this trend.
task achievement
Consider expanding on the examples provided, perhaps by including a personal anecdote or more specific statistics to support your points more robustly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion and logical progression of ideas; however, linking phrases could enhance cohesion further between paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Your arguments are generally well-supported, but ensuring all points are thoroughly developed could strengthen your essay.
positive
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining the main arguments.
positive
You have successfully discussed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: