IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think it is important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railways #trams
The finances which come from
people
's taxes are applied to various projects,
such
 as the maintenance of
roads
, and public transportation. Concerning the distribution of the money, some
people
 suggest the government should dispense more resources on the
roads
 than on the railways or metros. As far as I am concerned, I partially disagree with
this
 idea. Some
people
 indicate that sustaining
roads
 or motorways which most
people
 use is more important than other applications,
although
 the public
transport
 system should be put into consideration. There are some reasons for
this
 opinion.
For example
, the authorities are intended to be concerned about drivers' safe in regard to maintenance. If the state of the
roads
 is poor,
that is
, they have cracks, and
people
 who drive may be faced with some dangers. Other than that, it requires mindfulness that ways which have depression are likely to result in accidents.
Conversely
,
people
 who argue against that thought indicate it is true we should keep motorists safe and sound.
However
, buses, trains, and metros have equivalent value to
roads
, because the majority of
people
 count on these systems.
Moreover
, when it comes to overcrowding, the invention of public
transport
 is for dispersing the traffic on the
roads
 in the beginning and it can
also
 reduce exhaust emitted from cars, scooters, and so on.
As a result
, the fortune invested in the
transport
 system gets much more benefits than some
people
 expected. In a nutshell, as previously stated, despite taking note of contingencies that may occur on
roads
, we can not neglect the various advantages of public
transport
.
According to
 sundry situations, policymakers can employ relevant methods to distribute resources to every sector.
Submitted by hayashidajinja820 on

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introduction
Your introduction sets up the premise well, but ensure you clearly state your overall opinion in one sentence. This helps the reader understand your stance immediately.
development
In the body paragraphs, elaborate a little more on the points made. For instance, give specific examples or instances to support your arguments better.
cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Sometimes the essay can feel a bit disjointed.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which bookend the ideas presented.
balance
You've presented both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • public transport systems
  • economic growth
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • social equity
  • urban development
  • sustainable
  • mobility needs
  • revitalization
  • efficiency
  • safety
  • reliance
  • combatting
  • mitigating
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