IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #governments #focus #pollution #illness #disease
A group of individuals believe that country’s officials have to shed light on minimizing the toxicity of the environment and households and cure
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 from getting sick. I strongly believe that government officials must
putting
Change the verb form
put
be putting
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 their energy
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 tackling the toxicity on the air and households need because of two reasons which are locally and internationally. The main reason why I believe that government have to solve the problem of toxicity in the air and their
citizen
’s housing is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 they have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local
duties
Correct the article-noun agreement
duty
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 toward
citizen
 which means that
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are obliged to
offers
Wrong verb form
offer
show examples
 these needs.
Furthermore
,
countries
 should have
go
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gone
show examples
 after
citizen
 needs and one of the fundamental needs
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 to live in
area
Add an article
an area
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 where the air is clean and to have a place to sleep. Despite the fact, that government’s officials are
Add an article
a citizen
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 at the end. Another reason why I think that
countries
 need to solve any problem related to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and household so because they have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international
duties
Correct the article-noun agreement
duty
show examples
 toward their citizens. Obviously, most of the
countries
 are in the United Nations and to be member
countries
 have to agree to the United Nation’s rule. In fact, most of the rules are talking about what are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human needs
such
 – housing,
jutice
Correct your spelling
justice
, safety, and health -;
therefore
, all
countries
 must offer these needs to their
citizen
. In conclusion, I completely admit that governments must solve any problem related to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and household; apparently,
this
 is because
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have local and international obligations. I highly recommend
countries
 to take care of their
citizen
’s
walfare
Correct your spelling
welfare
.
Submitted by kofaisal on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory diseases
  • heart conditions
  • incidence
  • affordable housing
  • stress
  • infectious diseases
  • preventative measures
  • cost-effective
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • comprehensive approach
  • global warming
  • climate change
  • exacerbated
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