IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many parents, mostly mothers, stay at home to take care of the house and look after children. Many believe that the government should pay them a wage for this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It
is
Verb problem
has
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 been controversial among the community whether the authority should provide financial support to
stay-home
Use the right word
stay-at-home
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 parents as a form of salary. Most mothers cannot function as professionals and housewives at the same time
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they either choose to stay at home and take care of their
family
Punctuation problem
family,
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thus
Linking Words
 giving up their professions. I agree that the government should pay them wages for
this
Linking Words
. On one hand, the high economic demand makes most families struggle to pay bills. Most of the household involves only one working parent. If
this
Linking Words
 trend continues, it will result in poverty
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 their children
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be forced to work
instead
Linking Words
 of going to school.
Consequently
Linking Words
, there will be a high demand for professionals
such
Linking Words
 as doctors and lawyers in the future in which society may not
able
Verb problem
be able
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 to provide. To avoid future dilemmas, it is necessary to provide wages to the
stay-home
Use the right word
stay-at-home
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 partner.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, being a housewife is not a profession
Linking Words
hence
Punctuation problem
, hence
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 a responsibility
instead
Linking Words
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is a choice, a mother or a father decides to stay at home to
make sure
Verb problem
ensure
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 the welfare of their family. They may have different tactics to handle parenthood
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 which some cultures may not be acceptable
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 can result in a good outcome. Giving them a salary
on
Change preposition
for
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 how they manage the household will be complicated and can result in chaos.
For instance
Linking Words
, their neighbour will become their competition
instead
Linking Words
 of a support. In conclusion, there are indeed advantages and disadvantages to giving wages to housewives
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; however
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however
Punctuation problem
however,
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 the community will benefit in the long run
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
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 may lift a burden within the household.

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task response
Task response: The essay gives a clear view that the government should pay stay‑at‑home parents, but the reasons are not all strong or well tied to the main idea. Add a clear plan: state your stance in the first sentence, then give 2-3 well explained reasons with how they support your view, and finish with a clear closing line.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The ideas flow in parts, but the link between paragraphs is not always clear. Use clear topic sentences and link words to show the order of ideas. Keep each paragraph to one idea that supports your view.
task response
Clear stance on the topic is stated in the opening lines.
coherence cohesion
The essay uses some reasons and examples to back the view.
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