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Band 4.5

Some people say now there is less communication between family members than in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #members
communications play an essential role in social life. certain individuals believe that now
people
 have less interaction between the blood relations as compared to past, due to advancement of technology;
however
, my opinion world has become a global village ,yet many in it
has
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have
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 green apart.
to begin
 with, the most prominent reason, why now
people
 communicate very less with kinship,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is due to their busy schedule and some
changing
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changes
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 in their lifestyle . Because
,
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apply
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people
 only
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
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 on their competition and
trying
Wrong verb form
try
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 to
coping
Wrong verb form
cope
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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inflation.
thus
, they are doing hard work for their monotonous lifestyle. To vindicate, according to BBC, Japan is a
well developed
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well-developed
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 country, as
in
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apply
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this
 nation have more competition and their
people
 only focus on their mindsets.
hence
 ,Japanese
people
 have less communication with their family members as well as with their friends.
secondly
, lack of generation gap
is
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is also played
is also playing
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also
 plays
vital
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a vital
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 role in less communication with others. nowadays an era of technology so,elders citizens
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not enough knowledge of it.
Thus
, young children cannot cope
their
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with their
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 relationship
between
Change preposition
with
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 old age individuals. shifting towards the
second
 school of thought,
people
 are glued
with
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to
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 social media. they have busy in socialize apps like Instagram ,WhatsApp and Snapchat.
hence
, they are over-embellished only on internet friends but they do not have
relation
Add an article
a relation
the relation
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between
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with
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 their family. in conclusion,
although
 everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
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 a busy schedule , the generation gap and technology is
also
 indulged in the lack of communication activity , yet they should give time to their family member.
hence
, they will make their strong bonding with each other.
Submitted by naresh on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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