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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people think that too much attention and resources are given to the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #attention #resources #protection #animals #birds
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Many people feel that
conservation
Correct article usage
the conservation
show examples
 of
livestocks
Correct your spelling
livestock
 and feathered creatures is occupying too much concentration and resources. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea due to two reasons. The main reason why I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea is that illegal trading of wildlife activities is still popular in many countries.
Although
Linking Words
 the fauna plays an important role in biological diversity and keeps the ecological system balanced, people are putting these wild creatures
at
Change preposition
in
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 great danger by illegal
huntings
Fix the agreement mistake
hunting
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. One good illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is
large
Change the article
a large
the large
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 number of elephants or rhinos are being trafficked for ivory
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 high prices in black markets. As a consequence, wild animals and birds are on the verge of extinction. Authorities,
however
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, do not impose stricter laws and fines on
this
Linking Words
 prohibitive action. The
next
Linking Words
 reason is the lack of government's budget for protecting natural organisms from dying out.
Instead
Linking Words
 of allocating more budget for establishing organizations or campaigns and building garden parks to preserve these wild fauna, the government spends a lot of money on economic growth.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, they make full use of empty lands or even deforests with the aim of constructing too many high buildings, which makes a contribution to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
habitat loss.For that reason, the scarcity of the fauna’s shelters reaches an alarming rate. In conclusion, I am against the above notion because of the prevalence of smuggling rare animals for personal uses and the government’s lack of proper management. Given
this
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situation
Add a comma
,situation
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 it seems that each of us should make more efforts to keep the natural fauna safe.
Submitted by domaianh.uliser on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
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