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Band 5.5

Some people believe that modern technology is increasing gap between rich and poor. Discuss both views and your opinion.

#people #technology #gap
With the rapid improvement and uses of
matchine
Correct your spelling
machine
 and
apps
Add a comma
,apps
show examples
 the poverty line
gowing
Correct your spelling
growing
going
 up while rich
people
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 rich
day
 by
day
.
This
 essay will show the causes behind it is the frequent
use
 of
technology
 in all
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
 of economic
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
, which
creating
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
 more job-less
people
. In my
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
views
Add a comma
,views
show examples
this
 situation is only fruitful to rich, as they can save more money without paying for works, which
creating
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
 more unemployed poor population. With the advancement of
technology
Add a comma
,technology
show examples
 the economic rate has a better improvement than earlier. It replacing
men
 in so
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 ways,
for example
, now many works are done by
roobots
Correct your spelling
robots
 due to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 danger and
sometime
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
 for its perfection. In factory machines
replaching
Correct your spelling
replacing
men
, as it is more productive than done by
men
 force.
By
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
 way in
agreculture
Correct your spelling
agriculture
, education sector,
in
Add a hyphen
in-home
show examples
home
Add an article
the home
a home
show examples
also
 we find the easy of
technology
 over
men
/women.
However
, the
welthy
Correct your spelling
wealthy
people
 are not
suffuring
Correct your spelling
suffering
 cause of it and enjoying the full
use
 of
technology
.
Although
 a part of
people
 struggling cause of unemployment, another part saving money which they had to pay if they would have
use
people
 for work by giving
weages
Correct your spelling
wages
wedges
.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 they
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 rich
day
 by
day
 and enjoying
day
Add an article
the day
a day
show examples
 to
day
 life in
luxary
Correct your spelling
luxury
.
For instance
, if we see the developed country like China, we can conclude that the
use
 of machines required only
mantainance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 not payment for the works,
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
making wealthy
people
 rich and poor
people
 much sufferer. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, no matter how easy life can be with the
use
 of
technology
 and apps, it
making
Change the form of the verb
makes
show examples
people
 much sufferer without having jobs. Even though rich
people
earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
more
show examples
money
Correct quantifier usage
more money
show examples
 than earlier, the poor
people
searching
Wrong verb form
search
show examples
 for work and looking a way to fill their basic
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
. My concern
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 with the
use
 of
technology
besides
 creating
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 for
men
. So we can have a balanced
socety
Correct your spelling
society
, rather than a world full
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
discriminations
Fix the agreement mistake
discrimination
show examples
.
Submitted by alina.aphrodite on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic status
  • wealth inequality
  • infrastructure
  • tech-enhanced learning
  • automate
  • low-skill jobs
  • digital platforms
  • mobile banking
  • financial services
  • e-commerce
  • democratizing
  • marginalized
  • public-private partnerships
  • digital literacy
  • social entrepreneurs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: