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In some high schools part of the curriculum requires students to participate in community work such as helping the elderly or disabled. In what way do children get benefits from this? Do you think it should be part of the curriculum?

#schools #part #curriculum #students #community #work #children
Giving kindness to fellow men is the most important thing in the human community in order to live peacefully.
Therefore
, some high schools determine being part of the public's events by studying courses at school. In
this
 essay, I will elucidate the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 that youth would get from
this
 activity that I agree with, and the following examples will be provided to support my point of view.
To begin
 with, there are many advantages that children will learn from helping people in the community
such
 as old people or disabled people.
Firstly
 teenagers would be
encouraging
Wrong verb form
encouraged
show examples
 a feeling of self-esteem, which means they will want to do it over and over again
as a result
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society will be more livable.
Secondly
, youth will learn one life's skill which is co-peaceful existence in real society.
This
 would teach them to be selfless and give to others more.
Furthermore
, teenagers would need to
volunteer
 in the future.
Thus
, setting the
volunteer
 subject in high school brings positive impacts to children's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In my opinion,
volunteer
 subjects should be the curriculum in high school.
This
 is because children will learn to do
under
Correct pronoun usage
it under
show examples
 instructions, which
refer
Correct subject-verb agreement
refers
show examples
 to their safety .
However
, I believe academy principles should provide the altar
volunteer's
Change noun form
volunteer
show examples
 activities
such
 as helping disabled persons, helping the elderly, helping animals or helping charity events
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, so they can choose which one they want to do.
This
 would reduce reluctant feelings or be enforced inside of them. In conclusion, I think being part of community events should be imposed in the curriculum of all high schools because
this
 will bring positive outcomes to their future life.
Submitted by boon.suchaya on

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Improvement
Task Response: The essay adequately addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument on the benefits of youth participating in community work. Ensure to provide more specific examples to support your points.
Improvement
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. Work on improving the organization of body paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. Use transition words to connect your ideas more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • empathy
  • emotional intelligence
  • civic responsibility
  • community awareness
  • lifelong commitment
  • valuable life skills
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • time management
  • real-world scenarios
  • boosts self-esteem
  • sense of accomplishment
  • expands worldview
  • promotes inclusion
  • diverse groups
  • open-minded
  • culture of tolerance
  • respect
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