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Band 5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organisation #life #organisations
Many
people
work
 in the same organization for their entire
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working life while others believe that moving to different
companies
 is better.
This
 essay will illustrate the two different views of the working styles. On one hand, working for the same organization helps
people
 grow their area of
expetise
Correct your spelling
expertise
.
For instance
, an employee who works in the same organisation will be an expert in the team and able to handle the incident when the
company
 has a critical situation.
Moreover
, the benefit to workers who stay in the same organisation for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time is they will get more benefit
Add the particle
to compare
show examples
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to new joiners. In some
companies
, they have a benefit to give more pension payment for employees who stay for more than 5 years to reduce attrition rate and retain
people
.
On the other hand
, working in different
companies
 builds up the skill of facing
challenging
Add an article
a challenging
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
. When
people
 move to
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
, most of them move to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar job position to grow
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 skill in depth.
However
, the challenges that
people
 can take from changing the
work
 are not only
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 culture and environment of
new
Add an article
the new
show examples
company
 but new
people
.
Moreover
, every challenge can make
people
 more innovative due to different situations to manage.
As a result
, it brings up the strong soft skills for
people
 who
work
 in different locations and styles. To summarize, both working
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
 can build up the skill
in depth
Add a hyphen
in-depth
show examples
 but working in different organizations is more
challenge
Wrong verb form
challenging
show examples
 than working in the same
company
. Personally, I think working in different
companies
 could help you to grow in person.
However
, I still believe
people
 have to settle down in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
company
 in one day until their retirement if they find their best place to
work
.
Submitted by faiphad.i on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
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