IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Public celebrations (national days, festivals) are held in many countries. Some people say that these celebrations are a waste of money and we should spend money on more important things. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is widely acknowledged that the money allocation for special events has become a main concern for economies.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that the money ought to be spent more carefully to cover society's needs, I firmly agree that special events are the main contributors to preserving the culture
and
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, and
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 there is a significant economic return opportunity.
This
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 essay will elaborate on my position with relevant arguments and examples. The foremost reason to support my view is that participating in the national
days
Use synonyms
 contributes to raising awareness about common values.
This
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 is because these
days
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 have significant importance for a country , and they are beneficial for future generations to remember past victories and shared sufferings.
For instance
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, National Veteran
Days
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 in the U.S. increase public awareness, which helps young adults prepare for future challenges and shows them how they can be prepared for a threat.
Therefore
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, it may shape
people
Use synonyms
's behaivour becoming good citizens.
Furthermore
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, another reason to justify my stance is that a wide range of organisations may bring about meaningful changes in city development because they attract many
people
Use synonyms
 who want to experience the atmosphere.
As a result
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, it can benefit from these enormous economic returns not only at the local level but
also
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 at the country level. To illustrate,
last
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 year
a
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, a
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Montreal local business owner made a significant profit from St. Patrick's Day.
This
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 clearly demonstrates that the special
days
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 are a major contributor to
people
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's budgets. In conclusion,
although
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 the government needs more money to invest in building roads
,
Correct word choice
and
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 public centres, I firmly maintain that the government should provide enough resources to fund special events assisting in the local community.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more direct in each body part. This helps the reader follow your point more easily.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some are good, but a few sentences feel too long or not fully clear.
coherence cohesion
Add more clear support for each main point. Your ideas are good, but some need more full explanation.
task achievement
Answer the question in a more exact way. You agree, but you should also show more clearly why spending on these events is better than other public needs.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more deeply. Some points are interesting, but they need more detail to feel complete.
task achievement
Use examples that are more fully explained. The examples fit the topic, but their link to the main argument can be stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion. This is a strong basic structure.
coherence cohesion
You use linking words like 'Furthermore', 'For instance', and 'Therefore', which helps the flow.
task achievement
You answer the task and clearly show your opinion from the start.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant to public events, culture, and money, so they support the topic well.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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