Topic: Some people believe that children's time outside of school should be filled with scheduled activities such as art and music classes and sports. Others feel that children need free time to play and relax. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that
children
's have the capacity to learn a lot when they are young, that's the reason for many parents consider to subscribe them in many extra scholar
activities
.
On the other
hand
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,hand
show examples
some
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that the kids need to have free time to play and relax. It
is well know
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is well known
show examples
that the greatest artist(
musician
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musicians
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, dancers, singers) or
sport
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sports
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championships started since they were
children
. These professional people developed their skills since they were very young.
Additionally
, the
children
that practice extra artistic
activities
allow them to develop more their brains
,
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apply
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and make more neurons
conexions
Correct your spelling
connexions
connections
.
In contrast
, if the
children
have an excess of extra
activities
, it could provoke stress and anxiety in
children
.
For example
, in
Japan
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,Japan
show examples
there are the most known cases
about
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of
show examples
children
suicide
as a result
, the excess of extra
activities
and parents' pressure. My opinion is to have an equilibrium not so many extra
activities
, and not be lazy time. Getting a profit that the
children
have more
cappacity
Correct your spelling
capacity
to learn easily can allow
to do
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doing
show examples
some extra
activities
, depending on the child's interest, that can be an artistic activity or sports activity. As a parent, I have to be aware of the interest and abilities of the child.
Furthermore
leave some free time to play freely, allow the child to be happy and relax.
Submitted by salmaraz on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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