Topic: Some people believe that children's time outside of school should be filled with scheduled activities such as art and music classes and sports. Others feel that children need free time to play and relax. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#topic #people #children #time #school #activities #art #music #classes #sports

Some people believe that

children

's have the capacity to learn a lot when they are young, that's the reason for many parents consider to subscribe them in many extra scholar

activities

On the other

hand

Add a comma

,hand

show examples

some

other

Correct pronoun usage

others

show examples

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

that the kids need to have free time to play and relax. It

is well know

Change the verb form

is well known

show examples

that the greatest artist(

musician

Fix the agreement mistake

musicians

show examples

, dancers, singers) or

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

championships started since they were

children

. These professional people developed their skills since they were very young.

Additionally

, the

children

that practice extra artistic

activities

allow them to develop more their brains

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and make more neurons

conexions

Correct your spelling

connexions

connections

In contrast

, if the

children

have an excess of extra

activities

, it could provoke stress and anxiety in

children

For example

, in

Japan

Add a comma

,Japan

show examples

there are the most known cases

about

Change preposition

show examples

children

suicide

as a result

, the excess of extra

activities

and parents' pressure. My opinion is to have an equilibrium not so many extra

activities

, and not be lazy time. Getting a profit that the

children

have more

cappacity

Correct your spelling

capacity

to learn easily can allow

to do

Change the verb form

doing

show examples

some extra

activities

, depending on the child's interest, that can be an artistic activity or sports activity. As a parent, I have to be aware of the interest and abilities of the child.

Furthermore

leave some free time to play freely, allow the child to be happy and relax.

Submitted by salmaraz on Mon Nov 01 2021

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

224 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic: Some people believe that children's time outside of school should be filled with scheduled activities such as art and music classes and sports. Others feel that children need free time to play and relax. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

in many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside, Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this?

Some people today believe that the world's increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis.Other people believe that world population is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world's economy and society. Discuss both views and give your option.

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