IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #idea #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 modern era , working beyond the age limit is increasingly popular and some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
this
Linking Words
 can benefit societies and communities . In my humble opinion, I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea and I will explain more details in the following paragraphs. On the one hand , an increasing number of older
people
Use synonyms
 in our communities become some serious problems like economical decline and reducing the power of productivity . Obviously, we cannot solve those kinds of issues by governments only .
For example
Linking Words
 , in Japan , there are many older
people
Use synonyms
 and the government is inviting some skilled workers to
work
Use synonyms
 and live to avoid the economic slowdown.
As a result
Linking Words
, so many social and cultural problems are emerging due to immigrants .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that older
people
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
 if they have enough health conditions and they want to
work
Use synonyms
. Undoubtedly , if older
people
Use synonyms
 can contribute their knowledge and experiences , our organizations will get great benefits .
Moreover
Linking Words
, governments can
also
Linking Words
 reduce the dependency on foreign workers.
Although
Linking Words
 older
people
Use synonyms
 can
work
Use synonyms
 beyond their age limit , the public and government should avoid giving them heavy duties .
Otherwise
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can lead to older
people
Use synonyms
 physical and mental health problems. To conclude, older
people
Use synonyms
 continue working has both advantages and disadvantages. We should balance not only the older peoples' health but
also
Linking Words
 the county's economy even they can
work
Use synonyms
. In my opinion , we should allow older
people
Use synonyms
 to participate in lightweight community
work
Use synonyms
 if they are intended to do so .
Submitted by yetunthu.89 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: