IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

27. Having a lot of international sports events may promote world peace. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#sports #events #world #peace
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Recently, international
sports
Use synonyms
 events have been held frequently. More and more people are concerned the events timely
such
Linking Words
 as the Olympic games, due to the development of the internet and media. Some nations believe that having lots of
sports
Use synonyms
 events might make the world peaceful. Personally speaking, I totally agree with the issue.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the benefit of global
sports
Use synonyms
 affairs is that nations would know more about other countries by watching the match. It might
also
Linking Words
 unify the citizens of the countries to support their teams.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Japan, there are lots of
sports
Use synonyms
 theme restaurants, where the public can enjoy meals and watch
sports
Use synonyms
 on the big screens at the same time, and cheer with friends or people around.
Besides
Linking Words
, holding global plays might
also
Linking Words
 make children eager to participate and train themselves. More opportunities of meeting someone who has the same ambition and works out together with a good relationship.
However
Linking Words
, there might be some negative impacts,
such
Linking Words
 as getting addicted and spending too much time on it. The schedule of the games could be intensive. Somebody even stays up late in order to watch the live plays. Not only losing the attention of work easily but feeling tired the
next
Linking Words
 day. It could
also
Linking Words
 be harmful if the rest time for athletes is not sufficient. Which affects their performance in the plays, and tends to hurt players often. The committees of the affair have to be responsible and consider deeply the several aspects of management. In conclusion, in my opinion, the benefits of international
sports
Use synonyms
 ceremonies outweigh the disadvantages, if the population could make good control of themselves and enjoy the match properly. Having communication with other country's public could
also
Linking Words
 broaden our perspectives.
Sports
Use synonyms
 make the world a thrilling place.
Submitted by i_nconsistency19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: