IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Today more and more tourist are visiting places were conditions are difficult, such as Sahara Desert or Antarctica. What are advantages and disadvantages of it

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is the increasing number of
tourists
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 visiting challenging
places
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such
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 as the Sahara Desert or Antarctica.
While
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 it’s clear that visiting
such
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 harsh environments has become a popular part of tourism, opinions are divided on whether it is beneficial or unnecessary and dangerous.
While
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 there are valid concerns, I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. One of the main benefits of visiting difficult areas is the stunning views they offer. These
places
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 are often free from the harmful pollutants found in urban environments, making the air cleaner.
Additionally
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, because few people live in these regions, they are less affected by light pollution, allowing
tourists
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 to enjoy a clear, unobstructed view of the night sky. Many people seek these
places
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 as a way to escape the stress of bustling cities, with traffic jams, pollution, and crowded streets taking a toll on their health. For some, visiting harsh landscapes provides the perfect opportunity to unwind and reconnect with nature.
However
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, these
places
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 come with significant risks. Studies show that 25% of
tourists
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 who attempt to visit these extreme environments die
due to
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 a lack of preparation. Many areas are physically challenging, and without experience or proper physical fitness,
tourists
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 can easily find themselves in dangerous situations,
such
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 as falling from cliffs or getting trapped. The harsh weather conditions,
such
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 as extreme heat, cold, and unpredictable storms, can
also
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 pose life-threatening risks.
Furthermore
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, these areas are often home to wild animals, which can be dangerous if encountered. In conclusion,
while
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 visiting challenging locations can provide unique and breathtaking experiences, it is important for
tourists
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 to be well-prepared and aware of the risks involved. If approached with caution, these
places
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 can offer an unforgettable adventure, but they can
also
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 be perilous, making safety a top priority.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points, particularly regarding the benefits of tourism in harsh environments.
task achievement
Ensure to include a more definitive stance on whether the advantages truly outweigh the disadvantages. A stronger thesis statement could enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
You may want to enhance overall cohesion by using more linking words or phrases to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You present valid points regarding the beauty and health benefits of visiting challenging environments, highlighting a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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