IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries people of all age groups are engaging in too many sports or over-exercising. Are there more advantages or drawbacks to this development?

#countries #people #age #groups #sports #development
Some people believe that engaging in too many
sports
 or over-exercising plays a crucial role in having a healthy life.
Although
 exercising and engaging in
sports
 have advantages there will
also
 be drawbacks. On the one hand, most of the people irrespective of their age
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 wants to involve either in
sports
 or in some sort of exercise.
As a result
,
this
 benefits them in clearing their mind and reducing stress obtained from various aspects like work pressure.
However
, incorporating
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
too many physical activities and overtraining will lead any individual to restlessness and a lack of concentration.
For example
, My neighbour's daily routine involves working out and physical activities like swimming, cricket. Due to the involvement of too many tasks and his age , he was diagnosed with insomnia
last
 year. In order to avoid these types of ,risks one should be self-aware of themselves and endeavour to maintain a healthy life.
On the other hand
, in
this
 contemporary era, the younger generation plays a significant role in many features with
sports
 being one of them. Nowadays, youth have a keen interest in competing for their nation or even breaking world records. The desire and commitment towards any sport or for the gym is greater as compared to the older generation.
Although
 they have the required dedication and potential, most of the juveniles are unable to exhibit their skills due to the involvement of individuals of all age groups in too many
sports
.
Nevertheless
,
this
 practice will definitely demotivate the youth resulting in diminishing the chances of
indulgent
Replace the word
indulgence
show examples
 of them in activities. In conclusion, the drawbacks clearly outweigh the advantages which can be resolved by bringing self-awareness programs about the demerits of the current trend and encouraging the younger generations to participate evenly.
Submitted by rameshchanndra801 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: